Rebuild the chucknorris fortune file with a scrapper, using 20 pages worth

NOTE: The scrapper was previously included, but due to the website it scrapped
being dead it's no longer useful. See #3642 for the code.
Co-authored-by: Marc Cornellà <marc.cornella@live.com>

plugins/chucknorris/fortunes/chucknorris

-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever. 
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
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-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
 %
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
 %
-If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death. 
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
 %
-Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. 
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. 
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
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-Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets. 
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
 %
-Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian. 
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
 %
 In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
 %
@@ -24,884 +24,2521 @@ Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
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 Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
 %
-When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. 
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
 %
-There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on. 
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
 %
-Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5. 
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
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-Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
 %
-Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year. 
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
 %
-When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out. 
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
 %
-Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. 
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
 %
-Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes. 
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
 %
-There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue. 
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
 %
-When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's. 
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
 %
-Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
 %
-A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states. 
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
 %
-When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
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-Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) 
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
 %
-Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through. 
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
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-When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women. 
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
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-How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
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-Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. 
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
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-In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized". 
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
 %
-Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. 
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
 %
-If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes. 
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
 %
-Chuck Norris can divide by zero. 
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
 %
-The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. 
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
 %
-A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words. 
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
 %
-Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. 
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
 %
-Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill. 
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
 %
-When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. 
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
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-While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. 
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
 %
-Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. 
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
 %
-When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies. 
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
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-When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part. 
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
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-Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday." 
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
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-Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around. 
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
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-Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
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-For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
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-Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego. 
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
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-When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000. 
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
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-Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. 
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
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-When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face. 
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
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-Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO. 
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
 %
-On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. 
+Chuck Norris can win in a top spinning tournament with a cube
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-Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris. 
+Beware of dogs... Dogs, beware of Chuck Norris.
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-Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down! 
+Chuck Norris can dig a hole in air.
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-In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe. 
+The apple falls far from the tree, when a roundhouse kick is taken to the trunk.
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-Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth. 
+Chuck Norris - the new standard.
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-Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage. 
+Chuck Norris told me to put this here.
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-Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris" 
+Chuck Norris doesn't exhale. The air runs desperately scared out of his lungs.
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-Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. 
+Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
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-Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building. 
+When Chuck Norris goes to rodeos, bulls ride him.
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-If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen. 
+Chuck Norris once walked down a street with his fists in his pockets. He was then arrested for concealing two deadly weapons.
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-Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds. 
+The meaning of life is Chuck Norris
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-Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb. 
+Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
+%
+If God doesn't know, Chuck does
 %
 Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
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 The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
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-It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes. 
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
 %
-You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
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-Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way. 
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
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-The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off. 
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
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-There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma. 
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
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-Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany. 
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
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-When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them. 
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
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-Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. 
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
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-James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger. 
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
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-Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. 
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
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-Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair. 
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
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-Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. 
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
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-It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
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-Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
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-Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. 
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
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-Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain. 
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
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-Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal. 
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
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-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. 
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
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-Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order. 
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
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-A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
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-Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face. 
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
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-There is in fact an "I" in Norris, but there is no "team"? not even close. 
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
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-Scotty in Star Trek often says "Ye cannae change the laws of physics." This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists. 
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
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-An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME. 
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
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-Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks. 
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
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-Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
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-Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum. 
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
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-Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold. 
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
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-Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography. 
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
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-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. 
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
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-Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor. 
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
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-Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door. 
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
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-The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter. 
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
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-Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris. 
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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-Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life." 
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
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-If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period. 
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
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-Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. 
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
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-The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian. 
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
 %
-Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium. 
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
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-The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris. 
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
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-Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition. 
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
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-Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep. 
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
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-Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
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-The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
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-Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary. 
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror. 
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
 %
-There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up. 
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
 %
-A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 
-1:Heart disease 
-2:Chuck Norris 
-3:Cancer
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
 %
-It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin. 
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
 %
-Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day. 
+When God said "Let there be light!", Chuck Norris said "Only for half the day
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-Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever. 
+Chuck Norris went up the creek without a paddle... or a canoe
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-Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place. 
+Chuck Norris once asked a man to turn down his music, he refused, that man's baby was born deaf.
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-Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back. 
+Chuck Norris found the hay in the needle stack.
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-Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't need to brush his teeth, his spit acts as a bleach.
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-Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way. 
+Chuck Norris once had a street named after him. But the name removed at once, because nobody crosses Chuck Norris, and lives
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-The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales. 
+The planes in 9/11 were not hijacked. Chuck Norris was just playing with his old radio controller.
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-Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children. 
+Machiavelli said it is better to be feared than loved because he was inspired by Chuck Norris.
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-As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history. 
+Chuck Norris Can Play the Theme from the Twilight Zone with His Beard
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-Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick. 
+Chuck Norris pees Adamantium
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-Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking. 
+The Beatles are on iTunes because Chuck Norris bought a Mac.
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-Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris" 
+Chuck Norris once rounhouse kicked a football ...... it is now considered as a planet
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-Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. 
+Chuck Norris yells at Drill Sergeants
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-Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg. 
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
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-'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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-Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
 %
-When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle. 
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
 %
-According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday. 
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
 %
-Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it. 
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
 %
-In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research. 
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
 %
-Chuck Norris' favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse. 
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
 %
-When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing. 
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
 %
-Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. 
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
 %
-In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly. 
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
 %
-Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat. 
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
 %
 If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
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 If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
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-Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris." 
-Too late, asshole. 
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
 %
-Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run. 
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
 %
-MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it. 
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
 %
-Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris. 
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
 %
-What's known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn't use its full name, which happens to be "Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division". 
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
 %
-Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol. 
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
 %
-The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings. 
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
 %
-There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
 %
-Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful. 
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
 %
-The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice. 
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
 %
-Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom. 
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
 %
-When the movie Pulp Fiction was filmed they had to borrow Chuck Norris's wallet... It's the one that says "Bad Mother Fucker" on it 
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
 %
-The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends" 
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
 %
-Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
 %
-Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple. 
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
 %
-When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he fucking MEANS it. 
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
 %
-On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. 
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
 %
-Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about. 
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
 %
-Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you. 
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
 %
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. 
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
 %
-Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground. 
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
 %
-It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself. 
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
 %
-Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise. 
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
 %
-It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor. 
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
 %
-Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy. 
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
 %
-That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid. 
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
 %
-Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover. 
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
 %
-Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken. 
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls. 
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
 %
-Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb?
-A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark. 
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
 %
-As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris." 
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
 %
-Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
 %
 Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.?
 %
-Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol. 
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
 %
-Chuck Norris invented the internet? just so he had a place to store his porn. 
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move. 
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
 %
-It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. 
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
 %
-Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time. 
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
 %
-Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks. 
+There is no such thing as being hard its called the Chuck Norris factor.
 %
-Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef. 
+When Chuck Norris goes to the library, he looks for the guinness book of records in the comedy section.
 %
-When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. 
+Chuck Norris can shoot a person 28 times with an unloaded gun.
 %
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. 
+Chuck Norris' personal airplane is called Air Force Chuck
 %
-"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard. 
+The letters in Chuck Norris cannot be unscrambled.
 %
-When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'." 
+Cops don't need a badges in their wallets but only a picture of Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body. 
+Chuck Norris was the reason why the Great Wall of China was constructed. It failed miserably.
 %
-One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors. 
+If you see a man in the street who looks like Chuck Norris, but isn't, run: you don't want to be caught in the resulting roundhouse kick to his face.
 %
-Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. 
+The red phone in the oval office...Rings directly to Chuck Norris Cell Phone
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 
+The only way sharks will come near CN underwater is when CN is inside of a cage.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses a real mouse to move the cursor, type on the keyboard, write e-mails, code entire websites, use photoshop, bring coffee.
 %
-Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. 
+If Chuck Norris were to get into a fight with another Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris would win.
 %
-Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down. 
+"2012" is code for, Chuck Norris when he is pissed.
 %
-Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights. 
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
 %
-When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
 %
-Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
 %
-Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes. 
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
 %
-Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys. 
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
 %
-Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe. 
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
 %
-Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough. 
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
 %
-Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel. 
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
 %
-If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas. 
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
 %
-In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris. 
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
 %
-Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he fucking kills people. 
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
 %
-Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
 %
-Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic. 
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
 %
-Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
 %
-The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long. 
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
 %
-Chuck Norris' sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion. 
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
 %
-Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards. 
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
 %
-Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten. 
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
 %
-Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill. 
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
 %
-The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy! 
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
 %
-For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
 %
-Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman. 
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
 %
-Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq. 
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
 %
-Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked. 
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close. 
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound. 
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
 %
-How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. 
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
 %
-The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case. 
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
 %
-When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders. 
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
 %
-If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood. 
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
 %
-Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off. 
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
 %
-Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it. 
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
 %
-Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy. 
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
 %
-The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris. 
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
 %
-Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement". 
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
 %
-The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar. 
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
 %
-Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye. 
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
 %
-Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers. 
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
 %
-He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick. 
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
 %
-The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch. 
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
 %
-The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off. 
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
 %
-Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis' Career. 
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
 %
-Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
 %
-Chuck Norris can taste lies. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions. 
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
 %
-One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio. 
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
 %
-Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier. 
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
 %
-In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization "Kick Drugs Out of America". If the organization's name were "Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of America", there wouldn't be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere. 
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
 %
-Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky. 
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
 %
-They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him. 
+In the back of the book of world records, it says "All records are held by Chuck Norris. The ones listed are in second place."
 %
-Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house. 
+The only place where the Starship Enterprise refuses to boldly go is Chuck Norris' planet...which is all of them.
 %
-Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head. 
+Chuck Norris once had a pet monkey........his name was KING KONG
 %
-When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped. 
+Chuck Norris can make his own megazord "The Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kickers Ultimate Super Awesome Megazord"
 %
-4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths. 
+Simon doesn't say...Chuck Norris says.
 %
-Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes. 
+When does Chuck Norris run out of shotgun bullets?.....whenever he wants to.
 %
 The only sure things are Death and Taxes, and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
 %
 Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
 %
-With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit. 
+Chuck Norris can turn toast back into bread
 %
-The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death. 
+Chuck Norris started Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy. 
+Ever wonder what really happened to the dinosaurs? They all dug their own graves when they heard Chuck Norris was coming
 %
-To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris killed Kemper
 %
-Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight? 
+Did you here about the boy who cried Chuck Norris?
 %
-There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris can't perform Hadoukens, he IS a Hadouken
 %
-Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear. 
+Behind every successful man is Chuck Norris
 %
-If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this? 
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
 %
-70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
 %
-Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face. 
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
 %
-The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano. 
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
 %
-Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper. 
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
 %
-Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean. 
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
 %
-Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver. 
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
 %
 MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
 %
-Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match. 
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+The square root of Chuck Norris is pain.  Do not try to square Chuck Norris.  The result is death
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read. He just stares at the book until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris got to it first.
+%
+When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
+%
+Chuck Norris can milk an alligator
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't eat, he just sucks the energy out of food by staring at it
+%
+Chuck Norris once proved p^~p by induction on his beard hairs.
+%
+The reason why batman only comes out at night is because he's afraid he might encounter Chuck Norris in the Morning and afternoon.
+%
+Chuck Norris can bake in a Freezer.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing any broadway theater that plays "The Nutcracker". He claims its an infringement on his "other" roundhouse kick.
+%
+Chuck Norris once had a weak moment, just to know what it felt like.
+%
+Note to everyone: Please do not give beans to Chuck Norris or do you want another atombomb on hiroshima?
+%
+Chuck Norris has made a 148 break a snooker.
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
 %
-Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
 %
-The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris. 
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking. 
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
 %
-Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives. 
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
 %
-It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face. 
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
 %
-Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy. 
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
 %
-Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time. 
+http://chucknorrisfacts.com/ is built in Drupal because Chuck Norris knows a good CMS when he sees one.
 %
-Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood. 
+The producers of the movie "The Last Airbender" are now in talks with Chuck Norris in Order to star him in their next sequal "The Last Skull Bender".
 %
-When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult. 
+Some boots were made for walking. Some boots may walk all over you, but Chuck Norris' boot walk THROUGH you.
 %
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard. 
+World War II began because Chuck Norris took a nap.  When he woke up, Hitler found out and killed himself out of fear Chuck Norris would kill him.
 %
-182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year. 
+The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris let you live.
 %
-Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time. 
+Only Chuck Norris can win the mind game, 'cause he never minds.
 %
-Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus. 
+Do you know why Chuck Norris didn't star in The Expandebles? Because all the others guys would have surrended at the beginning.
 %
-All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face. 
+Bruce Lee didn't defeat Chuck Norris.  Chuck hit Bruce with a Delayed roundhouse kick that was so fast that Lee only felt the impact a year later!
 %
-If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't the other way around. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't need a bulletproof vest to be bulletproof
 %
-July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? i think not. 
+When Chuck Norris goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of money.
 %
-Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth. 
+Merlin was Chuck Norris' assistant.
 %
-In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease" 
+If you put in the correct cheat code in Halo 2, you can have Master Cheif play without his helmet; revealing to be Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost. 
+Those who ignore history, are doomed by Chuck Norris.
 %
-If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch. 
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
 %
-In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
 %
-The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris. 
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
 %
-Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
 %
-When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy. 
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
 %
-Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan. 
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
 %
-Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn. 
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
 %
-Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face. 
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
 %
-As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge. 
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
 %
-Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
 %
-Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie". 
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
 %
-There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
 %
-President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time. 
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
 %
-Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing. 
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
 %
-What many people dont know is chuck norris is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath. 
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
 %
-Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning. 
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
 %
-Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car. 
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
 %
-Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol. 
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
 %
-Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine. 
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
 %
-The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence. 
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
 %
-Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out. 
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
 %
-Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her. 
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
 %
-A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time. 
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
 %
-Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun. 
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
 %
-Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets. 
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil. 
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
 %
-Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
 %
-When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
 %
-Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he's roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die. 
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Some kids pee their name in snow. Chuck Norris pees his name in concrete.
+%
+The Matrix Trilogy would have ended on the first movie if Keanu Reeves said, “I know Chuck Norris.”
+%
+Chuck Norris created Heavy Metal when he was upset
 %
 Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.
 %
-There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first. 
+When things go bump in the night.... it's Chuck Norris
+%
+Chuck Norris fed the Hunger Games
 %
-A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. 
+Chuck Norris played "Got your Nose" with Voldemort and won.
 %
-Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe. 
+Chuck Norris had a knife thrown at him............          the knife didn't impale him, he impaled the knife
 %
-In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't let it go.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead. 
+You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right? Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla". Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.
 %
-Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets. 
+Whatever Chuck Norris wants, it will instantly appear.
 %
-For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest. 
+Chuck Norris once cut a knife with a stick of butter.
 %
-In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character. 
+Chuck Norris shops at Sam's Club, but leaves without having his receipt checked
 %
-We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris. 
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em!" 
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
 %
-It is said that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Every time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
 %
-The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'. 
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists. 
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
 %
-The 11th commandment is "Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris" This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish. 
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
 %
-Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV. 
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
 %
-Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face. 
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
 %
-Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile. 
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
 %
-Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on. 
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
 %
-When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul. 
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
 %
-Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. 
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
 %
-Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting. 
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
 %
-If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
 %
-Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts. 
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
 %
-Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states. 
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
 %
-A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay. 
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
 %
-Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo. 
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
 %
-They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody. 
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
 %
-Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower. 
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
 %
-"Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
 %
-Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter. 
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
 %
-After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?" 
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares. 
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
 %
-When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help. 
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
 %
-There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks. 
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
 %
-Chuck Norris' Penis is a third degree blackbelt, and an honorable 32nd-degree mason. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
 %
-The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case. 
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
 %
-Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye. 
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
 %
-Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond. 
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
 %
-Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked. 
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
 %
-The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher. 
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
 %
-Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
 %
-Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf. 
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
 %
-Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich. 
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
 %
-For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels. 
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
 %
-The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close. 
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
 %
-Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota. 
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
 %
-Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass motherfucker that is. 
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
 %
-TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion. 
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
 %
-After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history. 
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
 %
-Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards. 
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
 %
-"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
 %
-Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
 %
-Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires. 
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
 %
-When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes. 
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
 %
-Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims. 
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
 %
-In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard. 
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
 %
-Chuck Norris' dick is so big, it has it's own dick, and that dick is still bigger than yours. 
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
 %
-They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them. 
+In 1945 The US army asked if they could clone Chuck Norris. instead he said he could sort out the Japanese.
 %
-There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris. 
+One glance from Chuck Norris and snow turns itself yellow.
 %
-Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives. 
+Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
 %
-When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon. 
+Chuck Norris was the image used for Papa Smurf.
 %
-One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist. 
+Chuck Norris is so scary he makes Sharks swim backwards away from him
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer. 
+When Chuck Norris tosses a coin, it lands on both head and tail.
 %
-Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face. 
+Chuck Norris found the last digit of pie
 %
-Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does. 
+Chuck Norris Watches "the Nat.Geo. Specials" on Discovery Channel
 %
-The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter. 
+James Bond has a license to kill. He got it from Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone. 
+Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris
+%
+"The Big Chuck Norris Roundhouse-Kick Theory"
+%
+That's not an eclipse....that's the sun hiding from Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't like Mudkipz
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
 %
-The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris kills all birds, with two stones. The ones in his pants. 
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
 %
-Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi. 
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
 %
-Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode. 
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
 %
-The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees. 
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
 %
-When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken. 
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
 %
-Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball. 
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
 %
-According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers. 
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood. 
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
 %
-Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times. 
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
 %
-The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime. 
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
 %
-Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always. 
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t eat salad, he eats vegetarians
+%
+Every time there's an earthquake, you know Chuck Norris is hungry. The earthquake is caused by his stomach growling.
+%
+Chuck Norris wasn't born on his birthday
+%
+One time a test cheated on Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris won a stepdance contest by standing on his hands
+%
+Chuck Norris thretened to kill Michael Jackson, MJ got so scared to turned white.
+%
+When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
 %
-Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's fucking head off. 
+Chuck Norris is the life of parties he dosen't attend
 %
-Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people. 
+Chuck Norris can rub two fires together and make a stick!
 %
-Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ. 
+Contrary to popular beleif, Rome WAS built in a day, by Chuck Norris.
 %
-They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick." 
+Chuck Norris rolled a 20 on a 6 sided die.
 %
-Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis. 
+When chuck Norris was in school, he made his PE teacher run laps.
 %
-A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move. 
+Chuck Norris wins NASCAR races with all right turns.
 %
-Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel. 
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Chuck Norris is waiting for Mt. St. Helens to erupt again. He's hoping the lava is hot enough to soften his beard so he can shave for the first time.
+%
+Chuck Norris is overra...
+%
+Chuck Norris was originally in Mortal Kombat, but that version was deleted because no one can beat Chuck Norris in a fight.
+%
+Chuck Norris likes everyone on the earth, cause everyone he didn't like... Is dead...
+%
+Chunk Norris can make sour milk turn fresh
+%
+There is no limbo, only a world that doesn't know of Chuck Norris
+%
+Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter
+%
+Dog the Bounty Hunter can't track Chuck Norris down.
+%
+Abraham Lincoln didn't die because he was shot, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked so fast his foot went back in time and killed Abraham Lincoln.
+%
+When Chuck Norris inhales helium, his voice doesn't change.
+%
+When Chuck Norris drinks water, the water automatically pasteurized.
+%
+Chuck Norris once punched the ground to stop an earthquake. The resulting aftershock caused the BP oil spill
+%
+Chuck Norris can play the death waltz with his chin.
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+More of a question than a fact: in a fight between Chuck Norris and Gordan Freeman who would win?
+%
+Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
+%
+Chuck Norris can grill a popsicle
+%
+Chuck Norris' films are factual documentaries.
+%
+Casinos pay Chuck Norris not to play at anything or wish anyone good luck.
+%
+Chuck Norris once got a 200 yard punt return
+%
+Every line in a Chuck Norris haiku is "A roundhouse kick to the face."  And they all have the correct number of syllables.
+%
+An angry glare from Chuck Norris is known to kill on the spot.
+%
+Evolution's driving mechanism is nature's desperate attempt to escape Chuck Norris.
+%
+When President Roosevelt dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, he did so only because it was more human then sending Chuck Norris.
+%
+Don't get Chuck Norris angry, last time somebody did that Chuck Norris made the Grand Canyon.
+%
+In Texas, there are five sizes for fountain drinks: small, medium, large, Texas sized, and Chuck Norris Sized.  It is a cup made of a human skull.
+%
+After Chuck counted to infinity the first time, he vowed to count to infinity a second time....by counting the bodies of those previously roundhoused.
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Taking Karate Lessons = $100, Buying MMA DVD's= $150, Subscribing to a UFC event = $50, Getting a Roundhouse Kick from Chuck Norris = PRICELESS
+%
+Chuck Norris played the game of thrones and won
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't need sunglasses, the sun needs Chuck Norris glasses
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number, you just answer the wrong phone.
+%
+Chuck Norris once won the tour de france riding a " big wheel"
+%
+May the Force be with Chuck Norris... for it's own good.
+%
+Chuck Norris once played Duck Duck Goose with a group of Kindergarteners. Only one kid made it to first grade
+%
+During the Civil War Chuck Norris was a slave, his master would often beg him for mercy
+%
+Chuck Norris' glass is never half full or half empty. It stays full even after he takes a drink.
+%
+ King Kong climbed the Empire State building in fear of Chuck Norris who was downstairs at the time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can French kiss his elbow.
+%
+Chuck Norris never trains, because he's Chuck Norris.
+%
+Every phobia known to man has a phobia of Chuck Norris
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Once upon a time, Chuck Norris found himself in a town called Shit Creek.....He opened a Paddle Store.
+%
+Chuck Norris Can Power Solar Panels. At Night.
+%
+When Betty White gets angry, she turns into the Hulk. When Valerie Bertinelli gets mad, she turns into Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so hard, he uses diamonds as stress balls.
+%
+Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick someone through a window without breaking the glass
+%
+Chuck Norris. Enough said.
+%
+The letters in Chuck Norris cannot be unscrambled.
+%
+Chuck Norris once taught a class of martial arts.Unfortunately Chuck had forgiven to take elephant tranquilizers and killed every one just by saluting
+%
+Chuck Norris was heard in a soundproof room!
+%
+Chuck Norris can see in 3D with just one eye.
+%
+Chuck Norris owns all number 1 pencils.
+%
+Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t brew up tea. He sucks the bag.
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+They say death by a 1000 lashes was the most painful way to die, that was before they got roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris
+%
+Chuck Norris made a statue bleed.
+%
+Dead bodies were found of people that are still alive. These people will cross Chuck Norris in the future and will be round-house kicked back in time.
+%
+The reason why batman only comes out at night is because he's afraid he might encounter Chuck Norris in the Morning and afternoon.
+%
+The kids said when Chuck was eating Trix cereal ´´silly Chuck, Trix are for kids´´...what happened next?..............................Darfur happened.
+%
+Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick round houses into squares.
+%
+Chuck Norris is allowed two carry-ons.
+%
+Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not have a cell phone because he hears everything
+%
+Chuck Norris isn't appropriate...appropriate isn't Chuck Norris
+%
+Earth's rotation is purely governed by the direction that Chuck Norris is walking.
+%
+Chuck Norris drowned a man ON LAND.
+%
+The Jone's are trying to keep up with Chuck Norris
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Chuck Norris bowled a 301 after constructing another pin out of his beard hair
+%
+The only reason that USA lost the 2011 world cup to Japan is because Chuck Norris wasn't there.
+%
+Unlike Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris doesn't need bullets. A quick roundhouse to the face kills twice as fast.
+%
+There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
+%
+Chuck Norris' dog pick up after him.
+%
+Jedis are now taught to use the "Chuck"
+%
+Chuck Norris dosent carry a list. He always knows what to do.
+%
+When Chuck Norris performs a roundhouse kick, he's actually measuring the circumference of the universe.
+%
+Walker: Texas Ranger went into syndication before the first episode was shot.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
+%
+"Walker Texas Ranger: The Movie 3-D" was considered by Warner Brothers; however the technology to create the visual effects will never be possible.
+%
+When Chuck Norris creates a login, it tells him "password not strong enough", he types in his name and it tells him "password too strong."
+%
+Chuck Norris isn't allowed at the zoo because when he's there the animals are terriefied to come out their cages
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Aliens fear that Chuck Norris might abduct them.
+%
+Chuck Norris splattered tiger blood and Adonis' dna on Charlie Sheen with 1 roundhouse kick!
+%
+How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?  No woodchuck could chuck Chuck's wood!
+%
+The sun only rises every morning because Chuck Norris allows it to.
+%
+Chuck Norris can do a regime change with a roundhouse kick.
+%
+Chuck Norris CAN spell with an I before E even after C.
+%
+Ghosts can see Chuck Norris
+%
+The answer to life, the universe and everything isnt 42. It's Chuck Norris.
+%
+When Chuck Norris pokes the Pillsbury Doughboy, it's not a laughing matter.
+%
+Chuck Norris once thought he was wrong. He was, however, mistaken.
+%
+Ever wonder what really happened to the dinosaurs? They all dug their own graves when they heard Chuck Norris was coming
+%
+"The wind cries Chuck Norris"
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't need a bulletproof vest. He catches them with his bare hands.
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Chuck Norris: even Naruto can't believe it
+%
+Chuck Norris can fit 10 gallons of water in a 5 gallon water bucket
+%
+Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only one who can tear a facebook page!
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't need air, he is air
+%
+Chuck Norris once tried to teach a fat, stupid kid Martial Arts. Unsuccessfully. The kid grew up to be Steven Seagal.
+%
+Achievement Unlocked: Chuck Norris of Death
+%
+Chuck Norris is the ghost in paranormal activity.
+%
+Chuck Norris can't get fired by Donald Trump
+%
+Ozzy Osbourne once accidentally bit the head off a live bat - Chuck Norris once deliberately bit the head off a live pterodactyl.
+%
+Note to self:  Don’t be the cashier to tell Chuck Norris his coupons have expired.
+%
+Chuck Norris was what Willis was talking about.
+%
+Chuck Norris is entitiled to his own facts.
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+While visiting the hexagon, Chuck Norris was asked to demonstrate his famous roundhouse kick. Henceforth, it has been known as the Pentagon.
+%
+When Chuck Norris played the card game War with a friend, France surrendered.
+%
+If Goliath listened to Chuck Norris he would have won.
+%
+Chuck Norris can defuse bomb even if he cut the wrong wire
+%
+Chuck Norris sleeps in Seattle.
+%
+Chuck Norris shot a man with a knife
+%
+The dictionary references Chuck Norris several times, he is metioned under Fear, Law, Order and Chucktatorship.
+%
+Chuck Norris CAN balance the light-switch between ON and OFF.
+%
+If Chuck was ever captured, he could win a game of Russian Roulette with six bullets in the revolver, he would shoot everyone else!
+%
+In a rain storm Chuck Norris stays dry. Rain drops are scared to hit him.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason tumbleweeds tumble
+%
+The Earth was almost destroyed by a 50 km wide asteroid in 1984, but Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it into the Sun.
+%
+Chuck Norris can terminate a repeating decimal.
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't look for fun. The fun looks for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris starts his day with 6 live chickens two cows, three pigs and a boiling hot cup of pure fury
+%
+The only word that rhymes with orange is Chuck Norris
+%
+Everyone is so scared of Chuck Norris that they kiss his arse by writing these facts, too right they should
+%
+gmail@chucknorris.com
+%
+Chuck Norris play's Texas hold em with Zeus, every second Wednesday of the month
+%
+Chuck Norris has killed the Dead Sea
+%
+On the keyboard there is no control button because Chuck Norris is always in control.
+%
+The truth hurts dosen't it, Chuck Norris' truth kills.
+%
+Chuck Norris sent a BBM to an iphone.
+%
+When Presidents speak, their nation listens. When Chuck Norris blinks, the whole World listens.
+%
+Chuck Norris once cried just to see what it was like. The end result was the creation of life.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason that the world will end in 2012. He was getting bored with the Earth
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
 %
-In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep. 
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
 %
-Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder for the simple fact that his roundhouse kicks are recognized world-wide as "acts of God." 
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
 %
-"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard. 
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
 %
-Chuck Norris once had sex with a cigarette machine in the Osaka airport. 
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
 %
-Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
 %
-Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists. 
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
 %
-In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man. 
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
 %
-Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper. 
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
 %
-When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive. 
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
 %
-Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts". 
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
 %
-Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Chuck Norris ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
 %
-Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed. 
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
 %
-Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time. 
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
 %
-Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot. 
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
 %
-Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice. 
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
 %
-Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead. 
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
 %
-Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale. 
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
 %
-Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris." 
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
 %
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels. 
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
 %
-For every movie about Vietnam starring Chuck Norris, the historical duration of the war decreases. Just 3 more "Missing in Action" sequels, and that war will have never actually existed. 
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
 %
-Chuck Norris' penis has a Hemi. 
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
 %
-Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal. 
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
 %
-Chuck Norris CAN in fact 'raise the roof'. And he can do it with one hand. 
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
 %
-Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women. 
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
 %
-Life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates. It is more like a box of Chuck Norris, roundhouse kicking you in the face. And if you receive a box of Chuck Norris, you ALWAYS know what you are going to get. 
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
 %
-For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". HIS WAY. 
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
 %
-There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris. 
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
 %
-During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
 %
-Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
 %
-Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle. 
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
 %
-Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven. 
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
 %
-Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class. 
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
 %
-Chuck Norris once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower. 
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
 %
-The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep. 
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the can. 
+Only Chuck Norris is stronger than an Altoid.
 %
-Occam's Razor says that the simplest answer tends to be the correct one. Norris' Razor involves a flick of the wrist and a Columbian Necktie. 
+Chuck Norris has a battlecruiser AND a car.
 %
-Chuck Norris needs a monkeywrench and a blowtorch to masturbate. 
+Chuck Norris burnt a fire proof vest, UNDERWATER!
 %
-Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state. If you mention this to Chuck Norris, expect an explosive roundhouse kick to the face for spouting too much fancy-talk. 
+Chuck Norris was once turned down for American Idol. When Simon was questioned about it, he replied "I'm retiring after this season". I wonder why?
 %
-Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.
 %
-Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Chuck Norris wanted his nickname back. 
+When Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicks you HE decides when you will feel the impact .
 %
-If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris can hear everything. Chuck Norris can hear the shrieking terror in your soul. 
+Chuck Norris made the big bang just by clicking his fingers
 %
-Chuck Norris actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover. 
+Trick me once, shame on you, trick Chuck Norris.....rest in peace.
 %
-He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris ? dies. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't fight.  He gives motivational seminars to die on their own to avoid a roundhouse kick to the face.
 %
-Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever the fuck he wants. 
+This one time at band camp... BAM! Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples. 
+Chuck Norris protects his body guards.
 %
-Chuck Norris neither melts in your mouth nor in your hand. He shreds your trachea before ravaging your soul with a combination of chocolate, whickey, roundhouse kicks and death. Oh, and pain. Lots of pain. 
+Chuck Norris watched the first steps on the moon... From his summer home on Mars
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma. 
+The Earth is made up of two-thirds water and one-third Chuck Norris.
 %